NICU Keeps Us Moving

Well This is my third go at this post because the new blog app doesn't save... Annoying! But we'll give it another try. I apologize for any redundancy as it has been so long since my last post. 

So, as was mentioned, little Evan was zipped off to the NICU as soon as he came out. Despite a top rated apgar his sugar was low and they knew he would need an incubator to help maintain his temperature. He was a scrawny little guy, with little body fat. Tiny little limbs and neck with wrinkly old man skin. Despite being mostly to term he still needed to stabalize and gain some weight before he was able to come home. After spending time in the recovery room I was wheeled over to the NICU for a quick visit with my little man. Still holding Alice on my chest I got to see the little guy oh so breifly and hold his little hand. I wish I had been able to cuddle him and take him with us, but unfortunatley that was all I would see of him until I was mobile the next afternoon. Although it was easier to care for only one baby that first night in my post op drugged up state I felt sad and guilty that I was not able to be with both of them. 

So almost 24 hours after his birth I finally got to go see and hold my guy. Day one when we saw him in the NICU he was still in his incubator, but stable enough to take out and hold. Cradling the little guy he barely stretched from palm to elbow and compared to Alice seemed so tiny. He was small to us, but when compared to the other babies in the ward, not so much. He technically wasn't a preemie because at 36 wks and 5 days he was practically considered full term. Still, I had to remind myself that on the grand scale of babies they were both still considered small for their age and Evan barely fit on the percentile graph. Luckily, because he was full term his organs were all developed and normal and he just needed some time to catch up to his sister. The only other intervention was that he had a gavage tube down his nose as he needed to take a certain volume of food to keep his sugar levels up and he couldnt manage an entire bottle (1 TBSP) just yet. There was some brief talk of IVs, but they decide to wait and see how he did overnight. I really was praying for no IVs.

Right from the get-go he was interested in his surroundings, alert and looking around, wondering if there might be a boobie for him even though he'd hadn't seen one yet. Despite the difficult breast feeding with Alice and the recovery nurses being a pain in the butt I found Evan knew exactly what to do and I just felt so relaxed and confident with him; no crazy nurses here to man handle us. He sucked really well for about half an hour getting out the NORMAL fractions of a milliliter of colostrum. We also fed him by bottle some donated breast milk and gavaged the rest of the meal when he couldn't finish it. After eating we could cuddle. I loved cuddling him in the first few days. He would nuzzle up to my chest and just pass out like he belonged there, his NICU onesies hanging like a sleeping bag around him because he was just that small. This was where having two babies was hard. Deciding where to be, who to spend your time with, who to feed... It was a little emotionally taxing but I did feel better knowing that either Matt or Nana was with the other one. I could not have done it without their help. So we spent this day back and forth between the two babies, feeding, cuddling, and doing general mommy stuff. 

Day two in the NICU and Evan hadn't improved much. He was still needing the gavage and the incubator, but he also hadn't declined and needed an IV placed during the night. I'll take that news any day of the week. He was still being a breast feeding super star for most of his feedings and taking most of the bottle just fine when I wasn't around. Though he had to go 24 hours without needing the gavage before they removed it. During the night they had used it so we were  back to square one with that. Here it was hard to aceept that I couldn't be present for every feeding, had to look after my little girl too! A small part of me felt that if I had just been around to feed him then he wouldn't have needed assistance that night. It was hard to accept my limitations. The thing that made it easier now was that Alice and I were getting discharged. We were finally able to get the babies together. I know I've said it before but it was crazy! Two babies! 

The rest of the day we spent in the NICU cuddling both of them, managing to feed both of them, and enjoying having the family together for the first time. But it had been a long day and eventually we had to leave to go home. Our poor little guy, all alone. It seemed so unfair. The next day I had to admit to myself that I needed to finally get some sleep and take it easy. It was a very hard decision to make and even though it made sense I felt very bad for not going. I was sore from the c-section and not hopped up on drugs yet and my breast were engorged and painful as well. There was myself to take care of AND Alice who was just settling in at home. Again, super Dad to the rescue and he went back to the hospital to hang out with Evan. I was feeling particularly blessed to have a husband who had taken so strongly and wonderfully to parenthood as Matt had. 

That was my only day of rest. I started pumping milk out like crazy to give to Evan, to anyone who would take it up to him, bless them. I also started drugging myself up with a tylenol/ibuprofen concoction so we could pack little Alice up in the car, go up to visit Evan and get in as many feedings as possible, come home to grandparent dinners, and throw in all the pain in the butt Alice doctor appointments and public health visits to boot. I could have done without those at the time. It was hard but we were doing it somehow, all the while still feeding Alice at home throughout the nights. I envied, just a bit, the other NICU moms who got to leave their babies in the capable nurses hands and go home and rest. Though I'm sure they would have given anything to have their babies at home. A part of me wonders if it was easier to settle one baby in at home first and then bring home baby number two... Or would it have been better to just have them both at home from the get go and not have to head up to the hospital everyday... We shall never know. 

Anyway, Evan started doing great and after the first 48 hours really improved quickly. He was out of the incubator and the next day without his gavage tube and eating well. His jaudice became questionable but because he was eating enough he was able to flush the bilirubin out on his own and forewent light therapy which would have pushed his stay to another day. We were trying not to be too optimistic on his projected home date. I was hoping for the weekend or at the latest the next Monday, but when we went for our Tuesday visit they told us to bring our car seat to see if his SpO2 level would remain stable while he sat in it and if all was well we would get him on Thursday morning! Well, that was just the best news ever! My heart goes out to the moms who have babies there for months, it must be so hard. So Thursday afternoon we brought little Evan home at just over 4 lbs. Finally our family was together and still we had TWO!!