Hospitals Are Not My Cup of Tea

So I was pretty out of it the first couple hours after the c section. I know there were grandparents there gooing over Alice, who was in the room with me. But my gosh, it was pretty much impossible to keep my eyes open. And I totally don't remember being sick and everyone looking for something for me to puke in, or what medicines I took, or even some of the conversations I apparently had! Love you, drugs!

Then around eleven pm, when I was feeling much more lucid, everyone, including Matt, had to leave. So I was on my own, immobile in the bed, with Alice beside me. It was mostly impossible to reach her, but I was suppose to be watching her and bonding, and feeding her every 3 hours. Well, that was easier said than done. And it was "feed her" meaning have her suck on my boobs to get a couple drops of colostrum. She's not having it though because her blood sugar was low so she has already had a couple bottles and now she knows that the booby sucking isn't worth her time. The nurses are man handling my breasts trying to get her to latch and squeeze something worth while out of them. Some of them are really bad and uber annoying/persistent! At no point does anyone tell me that she isn't suppose to be getting anything other than colostrum until my milk comes in and the few dribbles I'm producing are totally normal. Thanks for making me feel like a mommy failure already. Yes, I get that with her low blood sugar they have to get some substance into her to help stabilize that, but it's the lack of communication and knowledge sharing that I resent. It wasn't until days after the hospital that I realized that everything with my boobs was normal.

Also, I'm just gonna throw it out there that between seeing two lactation consultants, not only did they not tell me that colostrum is just minor dribbles, but that when your milk comes in, it comes in with a furious vengeance. Thanks for sending me on my merry way and totally not preparing me for a night of painful engorgement and fever. Not thinking it would come in on day 2.5 we didn't have a pump and in the middle of the night I wake up with mega painful boobs; huge and solid as rocks. Alice cant even get a handle on them they are so swollen. The swelling has even travelled down into my arms and they too are feeling hot and bruised. It was crazy. Luckily the public health nurse called just as I was consulting Dr Google and said take some ibuprofen, massage them in the shower, and pump out. Ok daddy, make a run, get the drugs and the pump, and sure enough the relief after pumping was amazing. I was sure to keep on top of emptying them after that.

Anyway, big digression. So night one was sleepless. Between, blood glucose checks and feedings every three hours and my own vitals every four hours there was maybe 15 to 30 minutes of dozing. Also, I was really itchy, but I kind of thought that was still rash related so what could they do? Should have said something and got some anti itch drugs, because apparently the itch was from the hospital meds. Also, they had these pumps on my legs to keep them from swelling and they were the worst things ever! Super itchy themselves and sweaty and noisy and super uncomfortable. Everything else was fine, I just wanted those damn pumps off. Besides, they did nothing for the swelling anyway. Needless to say, despite not having to share a room, the night was sleepless and long.

Alice, on the other hand, was great through it all and already I could tell that she's a smart cookie. She caught on so quickly to what everything meant. When someone started playing with her foot she would frown and cry knowing that it meant she was going to get poked. And being unswaddled she immediately started sucking knowing it meant she was going to eat. And also knowing that sucking on dribbly boobs wasn't half as satisfying as the 15 cc bottles of formula. My clever little girl!

So, now its 6 in the morning and finally I feel like I'm maybe able to get an hour of sleep, but then breakfast comes and they are polishing the floors and sleep is not gonna happen. The good thing about this day is that Alice's sugar stabilizes even though the breast feeding thing still is not really happening. They get me up and about and although I feel like I'm 100 years old and basically have to shuffle to get about it's surprisingly doable. They pull all my catheters and take off the stupid itchy leg pumps! Thank god! And all of a sudden the itchiness and nausea is gone and I can eat and drink and get out of bed all on my own. So, the whole c-section part of this doesn't seem so bad. And the best part of feeling better is being able to go and see Evan, finally!! I have felt super guilty about the poor little guy over in the NICU and all I've been able to do is look after Alice. Luckily, Matt was super dad from the get go and spent most of yesterday with the little guy while I was bed ridden. So Nana shows up and looks after Alice and Matt helps me trundle down to the NICU. (Long walk for post surgery but we were smart and brought a wheel chair for the way back)

Oh, our little guy... So tiny looking in his incubator. Luckily, Matt knew the ways of the NICU and easily changed the little guy, managing all his monitor wires, and then I finally got to hold him! Finally! In comparison, Alice was a monster baby! Anyway I will save Evan's story for another post.

Day two is full of going back and forth between babies to feed them when I can, peeing like a race horse on steroids AND diuretics, eating my fruit bouquet (yum) and some of the hospital food (yuck) because all of a sudden I'm so hungry, and taking drugs. Being hopped up on things makes functioning way easier. I walk around a lot, try to nap a little, and we take Alice for her first bath and weigh her. Right now her sugar is good, her weight is good, and if things go well she can go home tomorrow! I get the same prognosis. Good, because night two is just as bad and we have a room mate whose baby cries at inopportune times. Too baby her and Alice were not in sync. I think only the babies slept during this night. It's around four am, after feeding Alice, I decide to be a selfish mother and ask the nurses to watch her for the next 3 hours so I can try to get some sleep. And I do manage about two hours. So, considering I had barely slept the night before coming in because I was still itchy with pupps and nervous/excited I now know I can go 72 hours with sleeping for like 6 hours here and there. Good to know for the months ahead!

Day three and we are ready to be discharged around noonish. Still we hang out all day to visit with Evan and stay around for his late feeding. I will be so glad to finally sleep in my own bed even if it means jumping out of it to feed Alice throughout the night. So, finally, we leave the ward with Alice and are only then able to take her to visit her brother for the first time since their birth. It really hits me once the two of them are together that they are both ours, two of them, to take home forever. Cuddling with them at the same time was my favorite hospital memory. Seriously, still blows my mind sometimes that we have two!